this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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