If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Randomize
