It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
