shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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