Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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