how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
