my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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