i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
