The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
