Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
