I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
