If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
