He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
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The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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