i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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