I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
