and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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