Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize