where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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