I met the friendliest cop last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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