A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
