when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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