quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
