What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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