You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
