Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
