Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
