is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
