what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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