I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
