Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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