i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
