i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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