Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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