Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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