I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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