I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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