you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
