I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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