No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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