i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
