Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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