I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
