so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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