Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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