i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
