so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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