dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You can't motorboat a personality
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
