i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
