I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
