She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
