Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
