I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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