Can Purell be used as lube?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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