How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
