just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
