I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Four minutes until I can fart!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
