I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He passed out mid-signature
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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