On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
