Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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