He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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